It’s been a whole week since my last post. So much has happened, but there is very little I can actually say. Very little because what I want to say isn’t really something that needs to be heard by anyone. And having those ideas up on a website isn’t what I really want. I’d rather keep them in the little recesses in my mind or tucked away between the thin pages of my journal.
But I feel an itch. I feel an itch to write — and write something worthwhile. However, I’m still processing what I should write and what I can write. Because even though I understand that I shouldn’t feel hindered by people reading this blog, I still feel the burden of responsibility for writing things that are generally not harmful to other people — I find that burden very difficult to deal with and I’ve noticed it poses a large and obscure obstacle.
What I want to write about is my friends, and how my previous concepts of them and my relationships with them have changed or are on the verge of changing. Not necessarily with all of them, but most of them.
I never realized how little the world I lived in was until I went on my ‘hiatus’ for 3 weeks. For some reason it never occurred to me all the people who were living outside of the little clique that I had created. And it took that realization for me to understand the thing I was holding myself back from: people.
I held myself back from people for one reason only: I was scared. Scared of new things, ideas, environments, opinions. But, during my ‘hiatus’, I realized I was scared for no reason. Scared like little children are of the boogeyman. But, as I lifted up the bedskirt of my social life and peered under the bed, nothing was there but genuinely good people — people outside of my clique.
Sure, I still have my friends and I will stick by them, but I’m now aware of a completely different world of people. And I’m loving it. I’m loving it because life seemed pretty lame, miserable, and small when I hid myself from things that weren’t worth hiding from.
So now, I’m happier. There isn’t much else to say besides that.
You have found the antidote to loneliness. Well done.